Printed when you order, shipped anywhere in the US. Our jokes are non-refundable.
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Shop All · 20 designs

The Whole Lineup

Twenty shirts, twenty personalities, zero refunds on the jokes. Every tee is a Bella+Canvas 3001, printed when you order, from $27.99. Shipping is calculated at checkout.

More ink colors coming soon: every product page shows a preview of the new inks.

Limited edition · until Nov 23

Halloween 2026

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Made to order, so orders placed now will likely arrive after Oct 31. Shipping is calculated at checkout.

Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with “Official Candy Tax Collector” over a wrapped candy, with “Dad Dept. / 30% of all hauls. No receipts. No appeals.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Official Candy Tax Collector” over a wrapped candy, with “Dad Dept. / 30% of all hauls. No receipts. No appeals.”
Official Candy Tax CollectorDads on trick-or-treat duty, and the kids who know the rules. From $27.99
 Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with a small ghost above “Boo. Now Leave.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a small ghost above “Boo. Now Leave.”
Boo. Now Leave.Introverts, deadpans and anyone hosting the party against their will. From $27.99
 Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with “Bite Size Is a Lie.” above a tiny candy bar labeled “Actual size. Not even a bite.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Bite Size Is a Lie.” above a tiny candy bar labeled “Actual size. Not even a bite.”
Bite Size Is a Lie.Candy realists and anyone who's opened a fun-sized disappointment. From $27.99

Limited edition · until Nov 30

Thanksgiving 2026

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Made to order. Want it by Thanksgiving? Order by about Nov 13 for standard shipping or about Nov 19 for express. We can't guarantee delivery dates. Shipping is calculated at checkout.

Limited
Forest t-shirt printed in gold ink with a gravy boat and the words “Gravy Is a Beverage.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a gravy boat and the words “Gravy Is a Beverage.”
Gravy Is a BeverageDads, uncles and anyone who has refilled the gravy boat twice. From $27.99
 Limited
Forest t-shirt printed in gold ink with the words “Elastic Waistband Season”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with the words “Elastic Waistband Season”
Elastic Waistband SeasonSecond-helping strategists and comfort-first dressers. From $27.99
 Limited
Forest t-shirt printed in gold ink with the words “Still at the Kids' Table.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with the words “Still at the Kids' Table.”
Still at the Kids' TableGrown adults who never got promoted to the big table, and like it that way. From $27.99
Halloween 12Thanksgiving 12
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with the words “Dad Jokes Are” above a distressed rubber stamp reading “Non-Refundable”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with the words “Dad Jokes Are” above a distressed rubber stamp reading “Non-Refundable”
Dad Jokes Are Non-RefundableDads and grandpas, and the kids and partners who buy for them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Fishing Stories Are 40% True” around a long tape measure with a tiny fish labeled “actual fish”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Fishing Stories Are 40% True” around a long tape measure with a tiny fish labeled “actual fish”
My Fishing Stories Are 40% TrueFishing dads, uncles and grandpas, plus everyone who's heard the story. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Unhinged” in wobbly capitals, a calm italic “but”, and “Punctual.” squared away underneathBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Unhinged” in wobbly capitals, a calm italic “but”, and “Punctual.” squared away underneath
Unhinged but PunctualCoworkers, best friends and the reliably chaotic. From $27.99

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Seasonal
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Santa Needed a Second Folder for Me” with an overstuffed file box labeled “Naughty List Vol. 2”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Santa Needed a Second Folder for Me” with an overstuffed file box labeled “Naughty List Vol. 2”
Santa Needed a Second Folder for MeOffice gift swaps, holiday parties and proud naughty-listers. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “I Have Plans. They're called Not Going.” in three stacked linesBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “I Have Plans. They're called Not Going.” in three stacked lines
I Have Plans. They're Called Not Going.Introverts, homebodies and professional plan-cancelers. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Cat's Opinion of Me:” above a loading bar with cat ears, stuck at “Pending... 12%”, with “Estimated time remaining: never”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Cat's Opinion of Me:” above a loading bar with cat ears, stuck at “Pending... 12%”, with “Estimated time remaining: never”
My Cat's Opinion of Me: PendingCat people, and anyone getting slow-blinked at right now. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Sorry I'm Late.” above a taped-up sticky note reading “My dog had notes.” with a paw printBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Sorry I'm Late.” above a taped-up sticky note reading “My dog had notes.” with a paw print
Sorry I'm Late. My Dog Had Notes.Dog parents, dog-park regulars and brand-new puppy people. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a round badge reading “Emotionally Attached to My Leaf Blower” around a leaf blower with a little heart, plus “Every Saturday · 7 AM”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a round badge reading “Emotionally Attached to My Leaf Blower” around a leaf blower with a little heart, plus “Every Saturday · 7 AM”
Emotionally Attached to My Leaf BlowerYard dads, spotless-driveway guys and the neighbors who hear them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Night Shift” with a crescent moon over “My Lunch Break Is At” and a big digital clock reading 4:00 AMBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Night Shift” with a crescent moon over “My Lunch Break Is At” and a big digital clock reading 4:00 AM
My Lunch Break Is at 4 AMNight-shift and early-shift workers, and the people who love them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a “Hello, my name is” name tag filled in with “Ask HR.” and “HR Knows Me by Name.” underneathBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a “Hello, my name is” name tag filled in with “Ask HR.” and “HR Knows Me by Name.” underneath
HR Knows Me by NameOffice legends, coworkers with a reputation and Secret Santa shoppers. From $27.99

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Seasonal
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a “Thanksgiving Survival Plan” checklist: Eat. (checked), Nod. (checked), Leave. (not yet), with “Step 3 is non-negotiable”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a “Thanksgiving Survival Plan” checklist: Eat. (checked), Nod. (checked), Leave. (not yet), with “Step 3 is non-negotiable”
Eat. Nod. Leave.Family-dinner survivors, Friendsgiving hosts and polite introverts. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Caffeinated” over a steaming coffee cup, then “Enough to Be polite.*” with a tiny footnote: “*Barely.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Caffeinated” over a steaming coffee cup, then “Enough to Be polite.*” with a tiny footnote: “*Barely.”
Caffeinated Enough to Be PoliteCoffee people, morning grumps and the coworkers who know to wait. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Pickleball Ruined My Knees” above two crossed paddles and a ball, signed off with “and I'd do it again.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Pickleball Ruined My Knees” above two crossed paddles and a ball, signed off with “and I'd do it again.”
Pickleball Ruined My Knees and I'd Do It AgainPickleball players, the pickleball-obsessed and their ice packs. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Committed Hydrator” above a pint glass with fill lines marked 10 AM, Noon, 3 PM and Kickoff, and “(Beer Counts)”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Committed Hydrator” above a pint glass with fill lines marked 10 AM, Noon, 3 PM and Kickoff, and “(Beer Counts)”
Committed Hydrator (Beer Counts)Grill-master dads, tailgaters and the 21-and-over crowd. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a dictionary entry: “re·tired, adjective. 1. Unemployed on purpose. 2. Somehow busier than ever. See also: nap, golf, “no.””Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a dictionary entry: “re·tired, adjective. 1. Unemployed on purpose. 2. Somehow busier than ever. See also: nap, golf, “no.””
Retired: Unemployed on PurposeNew retirees, plus the coworkers, kids and spouses throwing the party. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Leg Day Is a Myth” arched over a barbell, then “Spread by” and “Big Squat” in varsity letters, signed “Dept. of Excuses”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Leg Day Is a Myth” arched over a barbell, then “Spread by” and “Big Squat” in varsity letters, signed “Dept. of Excuses”
Leg Day Is a Myth Spread by Big SquatGym regulars, gym bros and New Year's resolution heroes. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Budget Is Mostly Vibes” above a pie chart: vibes 87%, rent 7%, food 4%, savings 1%Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Budget Is Mostly Vibes” above a pie chart: vibes 87%, rent 7%, food 4%, savings 1%
My Budget Is Mostly VibesRoommates, spendy best friends and anyone feeling things financially. From $27.99

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Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a freeway sign reading “California Traffic Is My Personality Now” with down arrows, an “Exit Never” tab and “Speed limit: sometimes”
California Traffic Is My Personality NowCalifornia commuters, road-trippers and homesick ex-Californians. From $27.99

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Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “No Thoughts.” and “Just Crimes.” around a cartoon cat face with big round eyes
No Thoughts. Just Crimes.Cat people living with a tiny, fuzzy repeat offender. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “The Reel Quiet Type” above a bobber floating on calm water, with “Shh. They're biting.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “The Reel Quiet Type” above a bobber floating on calm water, with “Shh. They're biting.”
The Reel Quiet TypeQuiet anglers, fishing dads and the strong, silent type. From $27.99

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