Printed when you order, shipped anywhere in the US. Our jokes are non-refundable.
WHY IT FITS

Shop All · 20 designs

The Whole Lineup

Twenty shirts, twenty personalities, zero refunds on the jokes. Every tee is a Bella+Canvas 3001, printed when you order, from $27.99. Shipping is calculated at checkout.

More ink colors coming soon: every product page shows a preview of the new inks.

Limited edition · until Nov 23

Halloween 2026

See All 12

Made to order, so orders placed now will likely arrive after Oct 31. Shipping is calculated at checkout.

Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with “Official Candy Tax Collector” over a wrapped candy, with “Dad Dept. / 30% of all hauls. No receipts. No appeals.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Official Candy Tax Collector” over a wrapped candy, with “Dad Dept. / 30% of all hauls. No receipts. No appeals.”
Official Candy Tax CollectorDads on trick-or-treat duty, and the kids who know the rules. From $27.99
 Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with a small ghost above “Boo. Now Leave.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a small ghost above “Boo. Now Leave.”
Boo. Now Leave.Introverts, deadpans and anyone hosting the party against their will. From $27.99
 Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with “Bite Size Is a Lie.” above a tiny candy bar labeled “Actual size. Not even a bite.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Bite Size Is a Lie.” above a tiny candy bar labeled “Actual size. Not even a bite.”
Bite Size Is a Lie.Candy realists and anyone who's opened a fun-sized disappointment. From $27.99
 Limited
Black t-shirt printed in orange ink with “Calcium Enthusiast” above a skull and crossbones, with “Drink your milk.”White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Calcium Enthusiast” above a skull and crossbones, with “Drink your milk.”
Calcium EnthusiastSkeleton fans, milk drinkers and pun people with good posture. From $27.99
Halloween 12
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with the words “Dad Jokes Are” above a distressed rubber stamp reading “Non-Refundable”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with the words “Dad Jokes Are” above a distressed rubber stamp reading “Non-Refundable”
Dad Jokes Are Non-RefundableDads and grandpas, and the kids and partners who buy for them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Fishing Stories Are 40% True” around a long tape measure with a tiny fish labeled “actual fish”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Fishing Stories Are 40% True” around a long tape measure with a tiny fish labeled “actual fish”
My Fishing Stories Are 40% TrueFishing dads, uncles and grandpas, plus everyone who's heard the story. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Unhinged” in wobbly capitals, a calm italic “but”, and “Punctual.” squared away underneathBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Unhinged” in wobbly capitals, a calm italic “but”, and “Punctual.” squared away underneath
Unhinged but PunctualCoworkers, best friends and the reliably chaotic. From $27.99

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Seasonal
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Santa Needed a Second Folder for Me” with an overstuffed file box labeled “Naughty List Vol. 2”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Santa Needed a Second Folder for Me” with an overstuffed file box labeled “Naughty List Vol. 2”
Santa Needed a Second Folder for MeOffice gift swaps, holiday parties and proud naughty-listers. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “I Have Plans. They're called Not Going.” in three stacked linesBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “I Have Plans. They're called Not Going.” in three stacked lines
I Have Plans. They're Called Not Going.Introverts, homebodies and professional plan-cancelers. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Cat's Opinion of Me:” above a loading bar with cat ears, stuck at “Pending... 12%”, with “Estimated time remaining: never”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Cat's Opinion of Me:” above a loading bar with cat ears, stuck at “Pending... 12%”, with “Estimated time remaining: never”
My Cat's Opinion of Me: PendingCat people, and anyone getting slow-blinked at right now. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Sorry I'm Late.” above a taped-up sticky note reading “My dog had notes.” with a paw printBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Sorry I'm Late.” above a taped-up sticky note reading “My dog had notes.” with a paw print
Sorry I'm Late. My Dog Had Notes.Dog parents, dog-park regulars and brand-new puppy people. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a round badge reading “Emotionally Attached to My Leaf Blower” around a leaf blower with a little heart, plus “Every Saturday · 7 AM”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a round badge reading “Emotionally Attached to My Leaf Blower” around a leaf blower with a little heart, plus “Every Saturday · 7 AM”
Emotionally Attached to My Leaf BlowerYard dads, spotless-driveway guys and the neighbors who hear them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Night Shift” with a crescent moon over “My Lunch Break Is At” and a big digital clock reading 4:00 AMBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Night Shift” with a crescent moon over “My Lunch Break Is At” and a big digital clock reading 4:00 AM
My Lunch Break Is at 4 AMNight-shift and early-shift workers, and the people who love them. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a “Hello, my name is” name tag filled in with “Ask HR.” and “HR Knows Me by Name.” underneathBlack t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a “Hello, my name is” name tag filled in with “Ask HR.” and “HR Knows Me by Name.” underneath
HR Knows Me by NameOffice legends, coworkers with a reputation and Secret Santa shoppers. From $27.99

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Seasonal
White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a “Thanksgiving Survival Plan” checklist: Eat. (checked), Nod. (checked), Leave. (not yet), with “Step 3 is non-negotiable”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a “Thanksgiving Survival Plan” checklist: Eat. (checked), Nod. (checked), Leave. (not yet), with “Step 3 is non-negotiable”
Eat. Nod. Leave.Family-dinner survivors, Friendsgiving hosts and polite introverts. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Caffeinated” over a steaming coffee cup, then “Enough to Be polite.*” with a tiny footnote: “*Barely.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Caffeinated” over a steaming coffee cup, then “Enough to Be polite.*” with a tiny footnote: “*Barely.”
Caffeinated Enough to Be PoliteCoffee people, morning grumps and the coworkers who know to wait. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Pickleball Ruined My Knees” above two crossed paddles and a ball, signed off with “and I'd do it again.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Pickleball Ruined My Knees” above two crossed paddles and a ball, signed off with “and I'd do it again.”
Pickleball Ruined My Knees and I'd Do It AgainPickleball players, the pickleball-obsessed and their ice packs. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Committed Hydrator” above a pint glass with fill lines marked 10 AM, Noon, 3 PM and Kickoff, and “(Beer Counts)”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Committed Hydrator” above a pint glass with fill lines marked 10 AM, Noon, 3 PM and Kickoff, and “(Beer Counts)”
Committed Hydrator (Beer Counts)Grill-master dads, tailgaters and the 21-and-over crowd. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with a dictionary entry: “re·tired, adjective. 1. Unemployed on purpose. 2. Somehow busier than ever. See also: nap, golf, “no.””Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a dictionary entry: “re·tired, adjective. 1. Unemployed on purpose. 2. Somehow busier than ever. See also: nap, golf, “no.””
Retired: Unemployed on PurposeNew retirees, plus the coworkers, kids and spouses throwing the party. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “Leg Day Is a Myth” arched over a barbell, then “Spread by” and “Big Squat” in varsity letters, signed “Dept. of Excuses”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “Leg Day Is a Myth” arched over a barbell, then “Spread by” and “Big Squat” in varsity letters, signed “Dept. of Excuses”
Leg Day Is a Myth Spread by Big SquatGym regulars, gym bros and New Year's resolution heroes. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “My Budget Is Mostly Vibes” above a pie chart: vibes 87%, rent 7%, food 4%, savings 1%Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “My Budget Is Mostly Vibes” above a pie chart: vibes 87%, rent 7%, food 4%, savings 1%
My Budget Is Mostly VibesRoommates, spendy best friends and anyone feeling things financially. From $27.99

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Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with a freeway sign reading “California Traffic Is My Personality Now” with down arrows, an “Exit Never” tab and “Speed limit: sometimes”
California Traffic Is My Personality NowCalifornia commuters, road-trippers and homesick ex-Californians. From $27.99

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Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “No Thoughts.” and “Just Crimes.” around a cartoon cat face with big round eyes
No Thoughts. Just Crimes.Cat people living with a tiny, fuzzy repeat offender. From $27.99

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White t-shirt printed in dark ink with “The Reel Quiet Type” above a bobber floating on calm water, with “Shh. They're biting.”Black t-shirt printed in off-white ink with “The Reel Quiet Type” above a bobber floating on calm water, with “Shh. They're biting.”
The Reel Quiet TypeQuiet anglers, fishing dads and the strong, silent type. From $27.99

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